The Final Step
by Tachyon II
Summary: What made Beverly Crusher return to Enterprise, and to Jean-Luc Picard, in M.J. Friendman’s book “Death In The Winter?” This short story fills the gap in question. This story J/C in its core, so this is published as VOY story, though TNG could do too.


Kathryn looked at her friend who sat across the table. "Why are you so upset about it?" she asked.

"I don't know", Beverly sighed and placed her cup on the table. "It was so unexpected, I guess."

"Really?"

"Yes really", the red-haired doctor said and rolled her eyes. "I just… it wasn't… gaah!"

"What did he say exactly?"

"He said: I love you, Beverly. I have always loved you. And I always will."

"And then what?"

"Well that was it."

"What did you say to him?"

"Nothing", Beverly told her eyes wide open. "I was speechless; totally loss of words."

"And now you are upset because…?"

"Well", Beverly said and sighed, "Jean-Luc and I have been friends for… God knows how long. So there are certain things between old friends, unwritten things, which are not meant to be spoken."

"So you didn't know he felt like this for you?"

"I did know", Beverly admitted. "Kind of. Or I used to know. In some extent."

"But nothing was said about it."

"It was alright that way", Beverly explained. "It was okay for me and I thought it was for him, too."

"Really?"

"Yes really."

"And how are things now?"

"I did speak to him, if that's what you mean. I said that we should have a dinner when he's in this sector again. That was days later, though, in Annabel Lee's transportation room when I was getting onboard Zapata to get back here on Earth.

"Hmm-mmm."

"What? I was being nice and polite, letting him know that were are more or less alright despite what had been said. He is still my friend, you know."

"Well isn't that nice", Kathryn said.

"What?" Beverly asked. "We are still friends. Our friendship won't stop just because of something like this. There is still unbreakable respect between us…"

"Oh, don't you start with me", Kathryn said. "Remember to whom you are talking to. I wrote the book about denying true feelings for your best friend and what I see here is a reflection of myself six months ago. There's definitely something else going on between you two than just a platonic friendship. It is written all over your face."

"Well, I did know he has had feelings for me in the past…"

"Forget the past", Kathryn said. "We don't care about the past now. I am talking about the present, and possibly about the future. Look – he loves you, he is in love with you, and I think it is pretty safe to say that you are in love with him too."

"You are jumping to the conclusion now", Beverly said.

"Oh no, no, no, no, no", Kathryn said and shook her head. "Listen to me Beverly Cheryl 'Open Book' Crusher, soon-to-be-Picard. I understand that you are very much accustomed to be "just friends" with him, so a thought of a love affair may feel strange at first, and even a little intimidating. It is so easy to "program" yourself thinking in certain way, we all do that at one time or another. And I do understand that you don't want to risk what you already have with him. But you must realize that the two of you are already crossed the line here. What I see now is you trying your best to convince yourself that nothing has changed. But things have changed now. He has told you he loves you. I don't think something like that should be sweeping under the rug, especially when it has such a strong effect on you."

Beverly sighed and took another sip from her cup.

"I know it's not easy", Kathryn continued. "The first time when Chakotay and I talked about our feelings, after our time on New Earth that is, was very uncomfortable. He just let the cat out of the bag in my ready room and I was confused as hell; I didn't see that coming at all and especially so soon after I had gotten my "Dear John" letter from Mark! If I had had any change to back away from that situation, I most likely would have done so, but there was no place to hide. So even if retreat is a normal reaction in situations like these, it is seldom the best one. And now that I think about it, it was good that we had that talk right there and then. It cleared the air."

"Hmm-mmm."

"The second time we talked about it, I finally told him that I couldn't be with him and we moved on. The third time we talked about it was four months ago here on Earth. And you know what – it was still uncomfortable. We had these "unwritten rules" too of not talking about certain things lingering between us, because it never seemed to be the right time to face them. But once we got it out of our systems, acknowledged that there was obviously still something unfinished between us, it made sense. And here I am – married to my former first officer, which has raised many eyebrows in Starfleet and beyond. But do I care? No. All that matters is that I love him and I cannot imagine my life without him. He is still my best friend and I still want to grow old with him until I am all wrinkly and grey."

"And the point is?"

"The point is that I have also other male friends from various species, but Chakotay is the only one with whom I knew I would have more, if only circumstances would allow it. And I think the same applies with you and Jean-Luc. There are friends, and then there are friends. There is either right kind of chemistry between two people or there is not. And if you try to convince yourself that it would never work between you two, it is a sign that you have already considered the possibility. And when considering the possibility, there has to be already a genuine interest in such a possibility."

Beverly sighed.

"So go for it, Beverly. And if for some reason you two come to the conclusion that romance is not what you want after all, there is enough history between you and him to be friends again. So, taking a change now does not mean that you would have to risk losing everything."

"Maybe."

"Take the final step, Beverly", Kathryn said. "I genuinely believe that you two could make it work. Just a few minutes ago you were so emotional over this. If he was just another friend, he wouldn't have such an effect on you."

"Maybe."

"Okay, let me ask this. Would it be okay for you, if he met another woman and got intimately involved with her?"

"Well," Beverly said and cleared her throat. "I would be happy for him of course. But I would most likely do some background checking on her."

Kathryn said and raised her eyebrow.

"Because I want the best for him."

"And you don't trust his judgment?"

"I do trust his judgment", Beverly told. "There have been others, you know, for both of us."

"I'm sure there has", Kathryn said. "That's the third chapter of my book – Dating in denial."

"Very funny."

"Chakotay had others too. I dated couple of men here on Earth after our return, like you should remember."

"Oh! Our infamous double date…" Beverly sighed and shook her head.

Kathryn gave a laugh. "Yeah, it was… an interesting experience to say the least.

"Can we agree that there will be certain things in our relationship that are left unspoken for now on?" Beverly asked. "I would rather leave it in the past. For good."

"Sounds good."

"Excellent. So where were we?"

"Dating other people", Kathryn said and took a sip from her cup. "And as I already said, I dated couple of men too not so long ago, but who is my husband now?"

"Chakotay", Beverly stated the obvious with a sigh.

"So dating others doesn't necessarily mean a thing. The heart wants what it wants. So me dating did not change the fact that I still was constantly thinking about Chakotay and wondering if he would approve my other men, even though I owed him no explanations."

"Fine", Beverly said then. "I guess I would get a little jealous, if he were to see him with some other woman. But I wouldn't get in their way, if he really had one."

"Like I didn't get in Chakotay's way when he was seeing someone else", Kathryn said. "Nor did he interfere in my social life. But dating won't prevent you wondering and pondering about lost opportunities, if you know you have had one staring you right in the face."

Beverly sighed.

"Fine – let me say it to you in Starfleet", Kathryn said then. "Give yourself a permission to proceed with this mission."

Beverly laughed. "Wow. That was very Starfleet."

"Look - you already know what there is to know about him. You know all the annoying little quirks he has as well as all the wonderful things. And I do believe that you love that man. And do you know what else you love?"

"What?"

"Space", Kathryn said. "Like me, you love space. So get your ass back on Enterprise while you still can. I happen to know that the position of chief medical officer on that very ship is still open."

"Kathryn…"

"Earth is not your personal paradise Beverly", Kathryn said. "You are not as happy here as you would be on that ship. Your heart is over there in more ways than one. And what do you really have here besides your work and my 'oh-so-magnificent" company?"

"Shouldn't your presence in my life be reason enough to stay on this planet?" Beverly asked with a smirk.

"Well it should", Kathryn said playfully. "Getting a piece of Kathryn Janeway is a privilege without a doubt. But your man is waiting for you onboard Enterprise."

Beverly's smile widened and she shook her head. "Damn" she said then.

"Being right is what I do", Kathryn joked. "It's a tough job, but someone's got to do it."

"Oh shut it, Kathryn."

Kathryn laughed and took another sip of her coffee.

"I guess you are right", Beverly said then. "I mean about me not having a lot here on Earth. And live here is different than on starship, there is no question about that. I have missed the adventure you know, even though this latest one almost claimed my life. But still, I love it. I guess living in space over ten years makes it pretty difficult to adjust living on one planet again."

"Seven years was enough to do that for me", Kathryn stated. "But you have an opportunity to get back up there now, so go. What are you waiting for? There are worlds to be found and space anomalies to explore, and on the top of that, you can share all that with a man who loves you. Can you really imagine living the rest of your life without him?"

Beverly sighed.

"I thought so."

"Not that it would come down to that."

"Maybe not", Kathryn agreed. "But like already said – he is also your friend and I think he must be one of the dearest, if not the dearest on. He knows you inside out and you are constantly thinking about him now. Can you really imagine spending so much time apart from him? For me only couple of months without Chakotay was already a challenge. I needed him in my life and in order to make it happen, I had to take the final step. And I have not regretted it."

Beverly laughed. "I guess you are right", she admitted then. "And I do miss him a little already."

"So do his crew a favor and get back there", Kathryn laughed then. "It could do you some good, too. So it's a deal. You will resign from your current position as the Head of Starfleet Medical, and apply the open position on Enterprise."

"Whose to say that I would get the job? If I have learnt anything during these months on Earth, it is that there are young and very ambitious new medical officers out there."

"Oh come on", Kathryn laughed. "You are going back on that ship one way or another. Remember – if going gets tough, there ain't problems Admiral Janeway cannot fix."

"I'm sure there isn't", Beverly said and shook her head with a smile on her face.

"So we agree", Kathryn said then. "You are taking the final step."

"Yes, I'm taking it", Beverly said. "I guess I just needed to run to you in order to clear my mind."

"I'm glad I could help."

"You can be a little annoying, though."

"Oh I know. Chakotay says that all the time", Kathryn told.

Beverly shook her head and laughed. And by the time her coffee cup was empty, she realized that the world, which had been in a state of flux for couple of days, suddenly made sense after all.


End file.
